GoCrazy
by A lame Jashinist
Summary: A bunch of really crazy stories, all in one timeline. All reviews and requests are appreciated! I would love to see what you guys have to say.
1. Dare?

**Big crack fic. Don't mind me with my weird writing. **

**Basically how it went is Pein and Konan gathered everyone for Truth or Dare- but every time you dare someone you have to take a shot. No one really cares that some of them are too young to drink (only one I can think of from the top of my head is Deidara). I think it's fun to write drunk/high characters. **

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Pein was already regretting holding this version of T or D- but Konan has begged him. He couldn't say no at that point. Everyone had been gathered around a table with bottles of booze, wine, beer, whiskey, and basically every single alcohol that Hidan could get with Kakazu's stolen money. He was still fuming, but that was gonna help them probably.

Everyone started off by Kakazu angrily spinning the bottle. It landed on Kisame. He couldn't help but since as the bottle landed on him. "Kisame." Kakazu said roughly. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Kisame was apprehensive at first to say this. But at least he could make Kakazu so drunk he couldn't be angry anymore. "I dare you to..." Kakazu thought for a moment. "Sit on Itachi's lap for the rest of the game- and when he gets dared or asked something you have to do it or answer it as well. You also have to take shots with him- so you'll basically be his conjoined twin."

Kisame froze at this. "Could we at least switch it around?" Itachi was still surprisingly calm. Someone laughed (probably Hidan). Kakazu nodded slightly. As Itachi walked over to Kisame, Kakazu grabbed a bottle of alcohol and poured himself a shot, pulling his mask down and drinking it. Along the way one of his needles slapped Hidan in the face. He growled. "I'm gonna fucking kill you." Hidan said as Kisame spun the bottle. It landed on Hidan. Kakazu snickered. "DARE!" Hidan shouted before Kisame could say anything.

He looked sort of surprised. "Alright then. Since you did this to me, Kakazu, you have to hug him for at least 30 seconds. Make it look convincing." Itachi grabbed the bottle and poured two shots for them. Kakazu and Hidan groaned in sync. "Fuck you!" Hidan shouted as he circled the table over to Kakazu. Deidara was scowling. "This is all just you guys! Can't we all be included? Right, Sasori-danna?" He smirked, bumping his partner who only sighed. Hidan and Kakazu were both in an uncomfortable hug. "I swear to Jashin I'm going to fucking sacrifice you all!"

After Kisame and Itachi drank their shots, Hidan pulled away from his partner and spun the bottle. It landed on Sasori. "Truth or dare, gay faggot?" Sasori scoffed. "Truth." He said, awaiting the priest's question. "How dirty do you want that little blonde fucker to do it to you once you're both drunk?" Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Maybe when I'm drunk." Deidara squealed with excitement.

Sasori spun the bottle, and it landed on Kakazu. "Truth or dare, Kakazu?" He said, a grin creeping it's way onto his face. Kakazu knew this wouldn't end well. "Truth." He said. "Tell us your current crush if you have any, and any past crushes you've had." Kakazu huffed. "Never. Ever. No way, not in the past, not in the future. I swear to everything unholy I will take Hidan's scythe and shove it up your ass if you ask anything like that again." Sasori blinked. "Alright. Spin the bottle." He grabbed the neck of it and spun it. It landed on Kisame and Itachi.

"Truth or dare?" Kakazu grumbled. Kisame and Itachi thought for a moment. If they chose dare they'd probably have to give Kakazu money. "Truth." They said in sync. "I dare you two to make random drinks for each other. Make them as crazy as you want- but no poison." Kakazu grabbed the bottle and poured himself a shot. Kakazu had terrible alcohol tolerance, so he was already starting to feel queasy. Meanwhile Itachi had poured in a little bit of alcohol into a glass, then added orange juice, and some salt and pepper. Kisame had made just grape juice, apple juice and alcohol in one. They sat down and switched glasses. Kisame chugged his. Instant regret. He started gagging and coughing. Itachi rolled off of him. "Don't throw up on me!" He said, panicking. Kisame finally stopped with the disgusting noises. "Alright, I'm good now... what was in that thing?" Hidan raised an eyebrow. "I think Itachi jacked off into the damn cup." He whispered to Deidara. The small boy shuddered.

Itachi drank the glass slowly. It wasn't too bad, in his opinion, though it tasted a little weird. Itachi reaches out to spin the bottle. It landed on Deidara. "Finally!" He shouted. "Truth or dare?" Kisame said. "Dare!" He said. Kisame and Itachi thought for a moment. "Let's suffer together. You have to chug this." He grabbed a bottle of alcohol. Deidara twitched, hesitantly grabbing the bottle. He was shaking hard. "What's wrong, little girl? You afraid of alcohol?" Hidan teased. "I'M GONNA DIE OF ALCOHOL POISONING!" He said, opening the bottle and starting to drink it. Everyone was shouting 'chug it' as Kisame and Itachi took their shots. Deidara felt his stomach turning. He wanted to stop so bad, but he couldn't be a pussy. He finally finished the bottle, seeing doubles of everything. Deidara threw the bottle at Hidan weakly and fell against Sasori, who held him gingerly. "I don't think Deidara's in any shape to spin this thing." He groaned. "I can do it..." Deidara said, smacking the bottle a bit.

The bottle finally stopped at Hidan. "Troof ar dare?" He slurred. "Dare, obviously." Hidan scoffed. Deidara groaned loudly. "Take mah shot..." he said. The taller boy smiled, grabbing the bottle. "Dude..." Kakazu said. The alcohol was finally hitting him. Deidara was finally hit with a spur of energy, sitting straight up. "I'm..." Everyone stopped what they were doing, looking at Deidara, whose face was extremely red. "FERGALICIOUS!" Everyone just was silent. Kakazu got up very slowly and quietly. Deidara was now standing on the table, screeching about some 'FERGALICIOUS' shit or whatever. Hidan punched him in the legs. Deidara fell onto the old man, who began to scream that he didn't wanna catch gay. Kakazu shoves Deidara off him. Kisame burst up, holding Itachi, just as Pein and Konan entered the room. "I think that's enough."

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**Sorry for it being short, I was planning to do a sequel with this. I just got really lazy qwq**


	2. HID

**Let us all take a trip through Hidan's inner dialogue. It'll mainly focus on when Deidara first joins the Akatsuki. There's gonna be a lot of swearing. A lot. Thanks, Hidan. Btw HID stands for Hidan's Inner Dialouge.**

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**Day 1**

Fuck everyone in this bullshit organization. Literally everyone is gay. I heard Itachi and Kisame fucking last night. I'm going to catch them, I swear. Also, my bullshit partner is so fucking retarded! All he does is sit on his fat ass and count money. Well- something good happened, at least. I was able to sacrifice a few people to Lord Jashin, and a pretty blonde girl joined. Her name is Deidara or something. She got partnered with Sasori. Maybe I could sacrifice those two and get partnered with her. Anyways, Pein sent me on a mission alone. Finally I'd get some fucking free time. He sent Kakazu on a seperate mission, he'd probably be jacking off to all the money he got. What a faggot! The old fucker probably just needs some pussy but he ain't getting any with his dirty ass. 

**Day 2**

Turns out Itachi and Kisame weren't fucking. I went into their room yesterday, and Kisame was fucking trying to open a pickle jar to make a sandwich, and they had been doing it for days. Their frail little asses couldn't even figure out how to just turn the fucking cap! I broke it over Kisame's head and fucking ran. I locked myself in mine and Kakazu's room. Finally, I could jack off to the dead bodies in my closet in peace. Wait, what? I didn't say anything. You're fucking delusional. 

After I was finished taking care of... business... I decided to hit on the blonde chick. She was in the kitchen making ramen or some shit with all her gorgeous hair down. Of course I had to approach her from behind. I said 'hey' in a really smooth voice. She's gotta get wet the second she sees me. To my surprise she just turns around, looking angrily at me. "What?" Her tone was masculine, which was surprising... I began to go on with the usual lines, calling her pretty. And then she says something horrifying.

"I'm a dude, un."

**Day 3**

I am still recovering from the traumatic shock I went through after learning Deidara was a dude. He even took his shirt off to show me. To think I thought a guy was pretty! For fucks sake, he should stop acting like a damn girl. Cut your hair, and maybe try to be handsome like me. Bitch.

Kakazu got back from the mission. I wish he died. He's just an old fucker who should be disposed of. He's not even useful! What do we use him for? He just rakes up a few dollar bills for us sometimes. Back to me! Glorious, sexy, forever young me. I just just sitting on my bed, being a lazy fucker for awhile and watching TV while the old fatass fucker next to me was typing up a bill or some shit. I don't pay attention to him. When I went out of the room, blue bitch started yelling at me for who knows what. Maybe it was because I had no shirt, but that fucking pervert Zetsu snuck into my room and stole it all. Whatever. Kiss my ass, you whore.

**Day 4**

That motherfucking pervert Zetsu snuck into my room and has started to steal my underwear. I bet he's sticking his plant-weed dick into it wishing he could get into my pants. Not happening, gay fucker. Kakazu started to complain to me, how I fucking kick the walls in my sleep and act like I'm pulling a scythe out. Fuck him. He's just a salty virgin. Anyways I stabbed myself today until I passed out and made sure to do it on Kakazu's bed. Bad idea, actually. He could have fucked me. I knew that came into his mind, but instead my clothes were still on me when I woke up. Kakazu started to scream at me how I ruined his bedsheets and he'd have to get new ones. I just tuned him out and started stabbing myself on the couch instead. Halfway through blue bitch started yelling at me for the exact same reason Kakazu did. They're lucky to have my blood on heir possessions. May as well clean it with your damn tongue cause y'all are too cheap to buy new shit. Man, why is everyone but me such a bitch? 

**Day 5**

When I think about it, I should just leave this Jashindamned place. Everyone obviously wants to get in my pants and I'm tired of it all. I took a nap to relieve myself from this stress and someone fucking dyed my hair pink and put pink nail polish on me. WHY? How did they manage to do all this while I was asleep?! I swear to Jashin I'm going to slaughter every single person in this organization, feed their bodies to Zetsu and then murder him. I'll chop his dick off. Epescially fucking Deidara. How dare he fool me, the handsome, brave, strong knight in fucking GLEAMING armour? Anyway I started by soaking my feet in nail polish remover because Konan had some. Bad idea. I bet I killed half my brain cells inhaling that shit. But the nail polish was gone. Then I went to the store with a good on to buy some white hair dye, but I had to reach all the way in the back for it. I think it was old. Whatever. Blue bitch said not to use it but I don't care what that whore says. I responded by saying that I heard her and Pein fucking in their office. She flipped me off and walked away. 

**Day 6**

Blue bitch was right for once. Bad idea to use the hair dye. It just fucking acted like gray and mixed with the pink, making my hair a hideous throw-up colour along with my hair being dirty cause of that fucking old hair dye. May as well just shave my damn head. Had to go to the store for fresh white hair dye, and they had just restocked. And I was using Kakazu's money to do this... I was fucked but at least I had normal hair. When I used the hair dye my scalp hurt like hell! I just gave up with my hair situation. It was already white- mostly. There weren't a lot of ugly ass spots on my hair, but still, I looked good. Kakazu saw me checking myself out in the mirror. He looked disgusted. He's obviously jealous he can't have a body like mine. 

**Day 7**

This day can prove everyone is a retard. Today actually happened to be the fateful day of my birth. I was planning on just sleeping in and shit, but everyone else had other plans. Deidara woke me up by stomping on my chest. He practically dragged me out. I sweared that I was definitely going to kill him. He made me sit down where he gave me a dry looking cake. It was all white. I didn't want to eat it so I flung it at Kisame, and the fucking cake exploded on his face. Itachi ended up beating my ass and locking me in a room where there were a bunch of sparkling wallpaper and a unicorn shrine. Fuck, I just wanted to sleep. Why does Itachi get so mad over his fuckboy getting hurt? They probably have sex all the time. 


	3. Kisamechews

**Idk where I'm going with this one. It isn't as insane as most of my other stories, sorry for it being short.**

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Sasori had been carving a puppet as he usually did, Deidara's quiet snoring ringing in his ears from his bed, which was a surprisingly long distance away from him. Maybe his snores weren't that quiet. Sasori shook his head. He couldn't focus. The redhead got up and walked to the door, turning the knob carefully and exiting the room and wandering through the halls and hearing noises from the kitchen. Sasori stepped into the kitchen, seeing Itachi with a ripped-up shirt, skinning an apple.

Itachi glances over, looking at Sasori, a bit embarrassed. He put down the apple. "Hello." He said. Sasori snapped back to reality. "Uhh- Hello." He waves awkwardly. "You okay?" Itachi raised an eyebrow. "What happened to your shirt?" The taller boy looked away, obviously embarrassed. "It's a long story. You sure you wanna hear it?" Sasori nods, pulling up a chair to sit next to Itachi. "Yup, I'm sure."

Itachi took a breath. "Well, tonight, Kisame was just lying in his bed. He wasn't sleeping. He usually falls asleep really fast, but I'm a major insomniac. I was just scrolling through my phone, trying not to let this bug me, until a very long time after I drifted off, amazingly. Well, I woke up to Kisame laying next to me- and he has destroyed a bunch of pillows, blankets and sheets. He chews on stuff in his sleep- and he chewed on my shirt. I just got up veeery carefully and now I'm in here."

Sasori nodded. "Situations similar to that have happened to me." He shook his head. "But you don't sleep. How?" Sasori's face went red, just like his hair. "Well- I was just laying in my bed bored, and- you get the point." Itachi nodded. "Alright. Well, anyways, nice talking with you I guess." Itachi was finished. "Want some?" He said, quirking a brow. "Nah, I don't really get hungry."


End file.
